In case you didn’t know…
I’m getting married!
Haha I’ve actually been engaged for a really long time (November 9, 2014) and we are tying the knot in mid-October 2016…
When we got engaged we always knew we were going to have a long engagement… but I did not know how much society (and people) judged having a long engagement. Seriously, I turned on the TV one day and Wendy Williams was talking so much trash about people with two year engagements!
Apparently, it’s a pretty common stereotype that there are “issues” or something when a couple is engaged longer than a year (year and a half max.). We have had many people ask us “are you guys still even getting married?” or “is everything okay with you two?”
I think it’s so wrong to judge and assume that you know what’s going on in a persons life based on their wedding timeline.
The truth is, our engagement was so long, not because my fiancee and I were having issues, but because my mother and I have been on rocky terrain for years and I spent the first year of my engagement emotionally preparing myself that she wouldn’t come to my wedding. While all of the juicy details of that is probably an entirely different post… a blessing actually came from drawing out the wedding planning process: I have been relatively stress free!
That’s right! I have found wedding planning overall to be totally stress free.
Why do I love the two year engagement?
1. Narrows your guest list. Seriously, having a longer engagement narrows your guest list! You would be SHOCKED by how many people came out of the wood work trying to re-connect after we got engaged and wanted to “hear all about wedding planning” — only there was nothing really to tell other than we had no idea what was happening and we’re enjoying being engaged. I started hanging out with old friends who I had lost touch with and found myself thinking, “well we used to be great friends, maybe she will be in my wedding party!”.
Before inviting all my long lost girlfriends to be bridesmaids, I decided to wait and if we stayed re-connected (I once saw this story on the Today show where a study was done that found most couples were no longer in contact with their wedding party 15-20 years later — and all of the anchors said they do not talk to almost anyone who was in their wedding party anymore). This segment from the Today show always stood out to me… Maybe I am being idealistic, but I want to stay life long friends with my wedding party, I don’t want to pay a buttload of money to have people at my wedding who I don’t think will be there for the long haul.
And sure enough, the people who I lost touch with were only interested in wedding conversations and not actual re-kindled friendship. I started to feel like people were only interested in coming to the wedding than being a dependable friend. Needless to say when we first got engaged we thought our wedding would be around 150 people… and now that we are 5 months away its about 65 people.
2. Less money. Thats right, a longer engagement has meant a lower cost wedding! Aside from the smaller guest list, it’s really allowed us to not make impulsive or emotional decisions. We’ve had time to research, We’ve had time to not get caught up in trends or what other people are doing. We’ve really had the chance to decide, “Is this adding to our guests experience and to representing us as a couple?” – if there answer isn’t “HELL YES!” to both questions, then we are cutting it from the budget. This includes spending $200 on my wedding dress instead of $2,000!
3. No expectations. Because the engagement has been so long, family and friends don’t have that same wedding excitement and momentum that I hear/see in other couples. For so long there’s been “nothing to report” and when there is something to report, it’s usually small and pretty spread out from the next small “something to report” that it’s created a lot of space and distance from opinions and emotions (thankfully!) – which has really allowed the process to be about my fiancee and I and our wants, wishes, and needs as a couple.
Are you planning a wedding or trying to save some $$$? Download our checklist for saving on a tight budget!
Are you married or engaged? What tips do you have for planning a wedding and marriage? I would love to hear in the comments!